FOREWORD I. FROM BIRTH THROUGH PRIMARY SCHOOL 1930- 1. MY PRE-SCHOOL YEARS 1930-1936 My Birth (15), First Memories, French Songs (16), Living in Kuledibi (19), My times at Grandpa and Grandma Salinas's in Tiinel, (20), Memories of Passover Nights (21), Our Social Milieu as a family (22) 2. NURSERY  AND PRIMARY SCHOOL 1936-1942 The passing Away of Grandpa Salinas (25), Primary Schooling at Si§li Terakki Lisesi (26), Grade One I, Acquire my Djidjino Syndrome (27), My Conversion to Islam (29), My new name makes waves at school (30), The fifteenth anniversary of the Turkish Republic (32), The Death of Kemal Atati.irk (33), I start learning about who a Jew is" (34), An unexpected encounter with French (37), Grandma Salinas organizes for me a Jewish cultural underground (38), Some anti-Jewish incidents at Si§li Terakki (40), My last and best year at Si§li Terakki (42) 3.OUR NATIONAL ENVIRONMENT, FAMILY AND SOCIAL LIFE World War Two starts, September 1939 (45), The War gets nearer to us (46), The national climate becomes more anti- Jewish (47), Our social life following our conversion (50), Mireille my first love (53), My first inroads into Turkish culture (54) II ROBERT COLLEGE. 4. THE CAPITAL TAX HITS THE HAKERS AND  THE SALINAS The Tax (61), The Tax on the Hakers (61), Morda commits suicide (62) Father's status as a Muslim provides partial relief (63), The break-up of the Salinas-Haker Partnership (66), Father rehabilitates his business (67), The ruin of the Salinas Family, the Death of Grandma Salinas (67) 5. ROBERT COLLEGE THE FIRST FOUR YEARS. How I was admitted (69), Robert College enters into my Life (72), The Trauma of my Prep I Year (73), First Form: the School Management Shuffles the Student Deck of Cards (76), Our Teachers, (77) Second Form, dormitory A is populated (82), Socializing with our teachers, the Beginning (82), Our Group comes into Being (84), The Group discovers my Jewish identity (86) Arguments on World War Two and the Holocaust (87), The Press during World War Two (89), Who else does not like Jews (92), I become a bookworm (97), Third Form, relations inside our Group become closer (99), My family problems (100) III MY COLLEGE YEARS, 1946-1950 6. THE FRESHMAN  AND SOPHOMORE YEARS My Freshman Year, expelled from Anderson Hall (105), My Sophomore Year, I take up "digs" at Feridun Beys' (107), Refiye (110) 7. OUR JUNIOR  AND SENIOR  YEARS, 1947/48, 1948/49 Group members follow my Example in moving into digs (113), The Expressions We Invented for for Communicating speaking with Each Other (113), Living together at Feridun Beys' (116), Our teachers (118), Socializing  with  our teachers during our college years (126) 8. RELATIONS  WITH THE FAIR SEX. Boy meets Girl RC-CC style (137), My one and only foray into Jewish teenager society (139), Belma (141) 9. THE JEWISH ANGLE IN MY COLLEGE YEARS. The national environment and Jews (147), A Jew among Turks, a Turk among Jews (149), The Jewish students of our class (154), The awakening of my Jewish Consciousness at national Level (155), The State of Israel is declared (157), A flag is hoisted (159) 10. CAREER CHOICE Engineering? Psychiatry? Economics? (161), My Robert College years, a summing up (165) MY UNIVERSITY YEARS 1950-1954 11. MY STOCKHOLM INTERLUDE  The first few weeks (169), Belma, the end (170), I apply to the London School of Economics (172), Left-wing adventuring (174), I leave Stockholm for London (175), My trip from London to Istanbul (177), The annulment of our conversion to Islam Summer 1951 (179), The story of Melahat who became a real muslim (181) 12.  LSE, THE FIRST YEAR, 1951/1952 Studying at the London School of Economics (183), Dr. Reed my psychiatrist (186), I become a Zionist (187), My old group (190), Recovering my lost French, (193), How my business future as Father sees It (194). 13. LSE, SECOND YEAR, 1952/1953 I abandon Marxism for good (197), LSE social life and friends (199), My first trip to Israel, Summer 1953 (201). 14. LSE, MY LAST YEAR 1953/54 Social life and friends (211), More anti-semitic-Encounters (213), I graduate from LSE, learning more French (214), Netta (214) FROM RETURN TO ISTANBUL TO DEPARTURE FOR ISRAEL 1954-1956. 15. BACK IN ISTANBUL AND INTO MILITARY SCHOOL, 1954- I make a false start (225), Working in Father's business (226), Netta in Istanbul (228), Netta in Israel (229), In the Infantry School for Reserve Officers, (230), My civilian life in Ankara (232), The Jewish angle (234). 16. MY ARMY DAYS, 1955-1956 My One-Day Career in the Intelligence Department of the Genel Kurmay (General Staff) (237), My remaining military service (240), Netta arrives in Ankara (244), My failed business attempts (246). 17. MY LAST MONTHS IN ISTANBUL MAY-OCTOBER 4, 1956 I am discharged from the Army (249), My final break with Netta (251), I leave Turkey for Israel (253). 18. EPILOGUE Father continues his fight to get me out of Israel (255), Netta does the same (261) VI CONCLUDING CHAPTER AND ANNEXES. 19. WHAT  I  LEARNED  ON  WHO  A  JEW  IS  AND  HIS STATUS OPTIONS The Jewish stereotype (267), The Jew who is the exception (269), The past compared to the Present (271), The status options of an individual Jew living in Turkey (272). ANNEX 1.  THE DONMES. ANNEX 2. THE ROLE RELIGION PLAYS IN DEFINING WHO IS A TURK During Ottoman times (283), The case of Gagavuz Turks (284), During the transition period between Empire and Republic (285), In the Turkish Republic through the days of my story (286) SUPPLEMENT  A.   THE GAGAVUZ TURKS. BIBLIOGRAPHY.